I’m writing this, partly to my future self, but also to myself now. I feel like I’ve done really well on my self-confidence for the way I look physically. I was never very confident with how I looked, dressed, or acted around people, but I’ve managed to convince myself (with help from my friends) that I look fabulous, that I dress fabulous, and that the fabulous people around me are accurate reflections of myself. But I can’t, no matter how hard I try, to convince myself of my acting ability. I am constantly surrounded by amazing people who are majorly talented, and that should help me to grow as an actor. I think it has, but it also makes me constantly doubt if I’m good enough. I spend far too much energy worrying if I’m the ‘dark horse’, or just that person who thinks they’re a lot better than they actually are.
Over the next year, I’m going to be going for a lot of auditions and interviews, and the overwhelming likelihood is that I’m going to be rejected. Very few people get into drama college first time, and if they do, it’s because they’re exceptional. I worry that I’m not at that stage yet. If I do continue my dream to act, I’m going to have to face a lot of rejection, so I need to learn to get better at dealing with it, and knowing that, most of the time, it’s not you, it’s someone else.
I’m writing this letter to remind myself to stay strong, to have faith, and to keep pushing to get the things I want. If you’re reading this, future me, get off your butt and do some work! You can always do something. Put on some upbeat music and be productive! I believe in you, and you have a small army of people who do too.
Love, El x