Outlets

Hi all. Sorry for the hiatus, my life has got pretty hectic recently, both academically and personally. In this respect, I started to think about how I deal with my problems. For this reason, this post will be quite rushed and not really up to standard. Think of it as a status update.

At drama class tonight, I touched upon an issue that I’d only realised about myself a month or so ago. I’ve always said I’m an open book. In reality, this couldn’t be further from the truth. I don’t tell my friends anything. In fact, there are only very few people in my life that I have fully opened up to. I think I’m an open book because I’m frank about my opinions and I’m not afraid to be myself. But tonight I especially realised just how much of a lie the consistently happy Ellie is. Often when I seem happy, I really truly am. But other times, I’m really not, and I don’t quite have the guts to show people that I’m not okay.

In that respect, I need other ways of dealing with my problems. One of them is acting- there is no better escapism than pretending to be someone else, especially if that person is going through things similar to you, surprisingly, because it gives you an emotional outpouring of a kind. The other is, of course, writing, where I confront my problems head on.

I’ve been writing a lot of poetry recently. I use the term very loosely, really they’re just drabbles, snippets of ideas that have never reached fruition. Some of them attempt to use terrible rhyme schemes. Some of them are just a cathartic jumbled mess of words without a lot of thought. All of them could do with a bit of fine tuning. Some lines I’m even a little proud of.

Recently my friend put up her poetry on her own blog for us to read. Although I’m not gutsy enough to have people I know reading my poetry, I don’t want it to be kept on my phone anymore. I know that I’ll probably look back and cringe at the terrible…everything. But ultimately, you’ve got to start from somewhere. And I need all the constructive criticism I can get. With that in mind, the post shortly following this will be an anthology of sorts. I hope you enjoy, and don’t cringe too much at the melodrama. If you’re following this blog, then, well, you have got yourself into melodramatic ramblings.

Stay fabulous, El x

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